I really wonder, what is true happiness?

The feeling of joy, the feeling of positivity. Those desired feelings of awe and stupendousness (if that word exists) is present around in my conscious. In copious quantities too I must say, but however the feeling is waning.

What truly makes me happy?
Instead of being happy, things are relegated to "I rather do this instead of...", and really, this is a bit of a chore to say the least.

Things take longer to take effect nowadays. I am beginning to feel the toll on my body.
Later nights due to the games, and planning to squeeze time into every single activity I am supposed to be proud to do.

Playing piano and games doesn't give me the kick that it should be able to give. I wonder whether its because of the environment?

Then what does happiness to me be defined as? I don't feel extra happy playing around anymore.
Is it due to the rat race?

So many questions left unanswered... So many thoughts, on how to make myself more positive, more excited about upcoming events.

But everything eventually flatline... I really do hope I can find stuff to tell my friends about, stuff to talk about.

Sharing too much also could led them to isolate me... That I could also be afraid of...

There I go. Blabbering nonsense again... I wonder, if I really hold a speech with a crowd... I will just degenerate into a stuttering mess.

Gotta sleep soon, cheerio.

Friends: Thank god for what you have provided me.
Male
Age: 21