Episode 79: The Facade
Sunday, August 21, 2011, 8:55 PM
Live each day as fruitfully as possible.
One of my goals is learning one or more new thing per day.
Curiosity interests me that was all...
One thing to note is that I live in the moment and tries earnestly. Life passes daily, I look forward to tomorrow. If I try hard today, there's no worries for tomorrow. Simple thinking? Works for me! I love to see things in an alternate angle...
But what I want to in the future...
It hasn't actually come to me yet.
Helping people is my passion, I love to help people. For some reason that I can't explain. I just love helping.
Trying to ask me to quantify it, it is a little difficult for me I am afraid. I am just a simple person.
I am surrounded with lots of people who are talented, or even more talented than me. I am not a special guy.
But I earnestly try.
I am upfront about my feelings. There is no way someone could tell me how I should feel. There is no standard way to approach a problem. Somehow, this translates to that I am nonchalant unfeeling kind of guy. But I am not, I just view things in a different way. I am quirky. Even here, I type in a quirky way don't you agree?
What does one think about failure?
I too experiences a lot about failure. I truthfully dislike my Junior College due to the experiences I had, the depression that I got.. I hate it because of the nasty experiences. Some of it are obviously my bad choices, and I hate it. But that does not quantify me as a bad person. I too, experiences positive experiences from JC, met genius friends. Met lifelong friends who will be there in my times of need. I shouldn't be told that I am not good enough. I am not good enough by someones standards, but I am fully satisfied on who and how I am.
How do I handle failure then? Hide behind a facade? I would love to... I don't want to share my sad side because I want others to be happy. I want to smile. I don't want to cry. I hate crying.
When I encounter failure, of course I will get angry, the intensity scales whether I am alone or not. For a video game, I would delete the save data... And restart it again for no particular reason whatsoever. All humans are capable of emotions. I just don't understand why that there is a appropriate way to act. I rather be alone.
But I also resent being alone. I am contradicting myself here I know, but I want to be with someone, some friends to chat with. Call me selfish, but yes. I want to be with friends, yet somehow, when being with them, I want some alone time sometimes. I am just so confused.
Like I said, the only barrier and limit that I want to surpass is myself.
To beat oneself, then proceed on. That's my goal. I care what people said about me. I take into a learning stride. Sometimes harsh words are said, sometimes I dislike them. But advice are just advices.. Individually it works for you, but sometimes it doesn't for others.
But in short, what I am will be what I am. I will improve, but not on the expense of others. But for me, to be able to help people, to able to make them happy.
Cheerio!
The strange twist of fate.
