Episode 78: Quiet Change
Saturday, August 13, 2011, 1:33 PM
The smell is different.
Different from since when I first arrived
The smell is forgotten already, the smell of a new place... is all but a forgotten memory..
I wonder as when I stepped back to someplace I used to go someday. Will I still remember the smell? Or will it be different? I am already used to the life here... Will returning change anything?
Was thinking back to quite some time ago, when I was crawling here and there, running here and there, studying till depressed. That was some time ago... Now in a new world, new start. With the old links a few hundred kilometres away.
Anyways, exam results was announced last week or so.. Scored what I needed. So thats great!
To tell the truth, never have I been so motivated to study... For what? For whom? The purpose is still not clear... I don't understand it myself. I also do not bother to bring myself to understand it. Since I don't think it serves a reason...
Gee, I wonder what happens when one asks a question like that... What drives you?
I am all but a simple minded guy. Many can attest to that... I am quite lazy, I am a gamer, I am a music lover who all wants to play songs without much practise. I am a human.
I believe what drives us humans is what drives me inside.
I have weird friends, (No, that's not an insult.) I can be sure I am weird too. People are weird for a reason, we all have unique personalities. We all can't be typed, although, could be classified into some groups. Hated by some, yet loved by some. People's personality is a strange thing indeed. A personality is what determines a person. It is what drives and motivates people. But that does not mean that having a personality of mine can change worlds or score high marks or something to that effect.
I can't say that I am mature enough, seen enough, or experience enough to be considered a mature adult. I can't say that I am a perfect being. I am definitely not the same guy that you met 5 years before. Although a part of me says don't change, ( go back to my previous entries about 2 to 5 years ago) I definitely changed since the past few years. I got hurt lots of times by supposed friends, got thrown around a lot by people.
Even though all these went past, somehow... I still have a penchant for helping people even though I am lazy. Ask me to clear this obstacle, I would rather go around rather than running into it straight on... Its not that I glean this trait off a Manga or Anime. Heroics and brave acts aren't needed these days. Its one man for himself.
Somewhere, somehow, I had a glimmer of hope for people around me. I help them, I know I shouldn't expect them to help me back. But in times of trouble, I know they at least will provide a word of comfort. I don't expect them to fight for me, but at least they will be by my side.
Amidst the riots, in the shelter far far away, in a foreign country. At least I am surrounded with people I trust, people I care about. People with some glimmer of common sense.
To those that are in areas of strife. I pray that you are safe.
To those who thinks that their future is gone. Do not despair, there is a future ahead of you, even though it is in the dark. The future is still there... Even you stepped off the beaten road, you will not fall to your death. Take a step into the unknown find a different door.
Embrace the change.
I still do not know what I am going to do, I am still standing at crossroads.
But if anything else to be done, I will do it. I will take the leap of faith.
Into the unknown.
Into the depths, to new heights.
Thats all.
Cheerio.
The strange twist of fate.
