Smiling. Why is it quite hard to do nowadays?

There are a few reasons attributed to this.

Firstly, smiling uses a lot of muscles, 12 to be exact.. According to research done by some people,it disregarding the old adage that it takes 30 plus muscles to smile. But still, it takes considerable effort, a lot of effort it seems.

Of course, the obvious that smiling is hard when you are very upset or angered.
Or is it that the world hell bent on exterminating those who puts effort in smiling?

Walking down the street, its even a crime to look fellow human being in the eye, lest you want to be socked in the face, keep the eyes off the random people off the streets. Much less smile.

The real reason why I was inspired to make this post is that, just recently, I saw my ex-secondary school had their seasonal donation drive to raise funds for various charities. Truth to be told, there's nothing glamourous about doing this donation drive.

Here's the plan:

Student stand at the side of the road or alleyway and hold out donation tins and try to garner as many donations as possible.

Well, one shouldn't say that the students' are forced into the act of volunteering, the last time I was there, I was less than enthused about helping out. Much less now, where the young are constantly embroiled in social life and have tons of work to handle.

I have a feeling that they were there just to get the 'Community Involvement Project' Points by which its like an extra credit to the future prospects such as resumé or school entry.

So in the end, students are standing down there like some statue out of a horror movie, mind you it's a Saturday, I would have wanted to rest at home. They were standing forlornly near the mall, hoping some kind soul would plonk down some loose change in their donation tin. Well, I am not such a kind person to donate at that time, but really I feel bad for them than the charity organization that they were helping out.

Well, here's my experience a few years back:

It's a level wide activity, so one whole group came one morning and each of us were handed out a tin to fill. Here's the catch, we aren't allowed to go back to the volunteer's table until we fill up those tins.

Therefore:

1. If it is full of notes. Lets say 2 dollars or 5 dollar notes, its not heavy enough and you have not done your job.

2. If it is heavy enough, they put a plastic rule in the slot, and measure the depth of the rule, if it goes down to a certain depth, they send you out to get more. Conversely, if it is about to be full, they send you out to get more donations.

3. Minimum working time is 2 hours, even if you filled up a tin way before the deadline. They will give you another tin to fill up, if you didn't fill up the 2nd tin, it is assumed that you didn't do your job, and Number 1 and 2 repeats itself.

4. No matter how hard you work, there's only 2 hours of CIP time written down in the report.

In conclusion, according to my point of view, this is really a waste of time for a couple of points.

The world is also too depressing. People are just pumped through the education cycle and work cycle without even knowing about it.

Take Co-curricular activities for example. I went back to my old school to experience the old CCA that I was in, The Boys' Brigade.. It was a shadow of it's former self. Instead of fun times, it's somewhat reminds me of oppression. The boys were just trying to get out of school as soon as possible and sleep the day off, asking one of them, they were primarily there just because of the CCA points.

Are lives just an accumulation of points? What are our goals then? Its ironic that education system teaches us to think outside the box, yet give harshest punishments to those who deviate away from the system.

Either ways, lets follow the popular example shall we?

In our lives, we have 3 things, Money, Happiness, Time.

When we are young, we have time and happiness, but have no money to spend.

When we are middle aged, we have money and time, but no happiness.

Alas, when we are old, we have only money and happiness, but no time.

Why can't the 3 of them co-exist? Why can't we choose all?

This devilish conundrum, I am still trying to find the solution to this puzzle. For now, I am trying my best.

Regardless of any obstacle, I will still try my best.

Hence, smile, maybe the world won't know what you are thinking inside, maybe you are hurting. But outside, people will know you are a cheerful person, approachable.... And you are never alone.

Maybe I will make a difference by cheering up people even though I am torn inside (emo- not intended) but at least others will be happy.

Smiling, a task I have to do in times of turmoil. When things really really goes wrong or south, I will still smile.

So I end this post in a classic way.

Cheerio!

:)
and a smile

Uncertainty strikes again! Honestly I am not surprised that I am not surprised this will happen.

Having gone through the thought of various outcomes, either getting in or not getting in. Not getting into medicine seems to be more of a viable outcome as the days passed, and I was right. Deep within the pits of my soul, I knew I am not good enough.

As a reflection of my own image, I have been reiterating over and over again. I am a just a normal guy.
I do not know everything, I just know what I know.

Well of course, I do not count myself as unlucky too. I am glad that many people supported me to the end and provide me various means to get to the end.

In short, I do not get into the Medicine Course. Which brings me to a topic whether I am really relieved or kind of disappointed. As chronicled on my blog, its a little bit shaky goal for me to reach, financially as well as mentally. Don't misunderstand me, I am no quitter. I do things as it comes and try my best in all that I do.

I am not finding reasons to console myself too, although truthfully, I am getting a teeny bit hysterical over the long wait. At last, the weight and loom of medicine is off my shoulders for now.

Now to prepare for the next stage.

At least, the goal still stands! I am relieved actually... The keyboard will still be purchased and skydiving will proceed on smoothly without fear of any vital lashbacks.

Perhaps it's history self correcting itself? For one, I will have more than enough time to tinker with the piano once I am done with this initial stage.

So now the time for faith to arise, or for face.

Apologies once again to those who expect me to go into medicine, I have not met your expectations. I am truly sorry Mitchell for not being able to accompany you.

But all in all, sometimes the walk is lonely, but you are not alone.

Like me, I am proud to say that my friends and family are my wings, and if need be, I will still be the wings to shelter and guide those who are in need.

Thank you my Lord for also being there with me during sleepless nights and help calm me down in times of distress.

Alrightey,
The game time starts now. The game of life.

One last shout.
CHEERIO!!!!!!

Another new twist to the story.

It seems that for some reason, the medicine faculty decided to contact me at a very opportune time. In the end there seems to be an interview scheduled for tomorrow.

And yes, somehow it generates a lot of butterflies in my stomach. Really a lot... Being a busybody, I asked ahead of what interview questions may arise for tomorrow.

In conclusion, it is quite hard to prepare. Questions are myriad and ranged from how does my loved ones view me to why I want to be a doctor. Some of them are basically a hurdle on how badly I want to be one of the medical students.

Is there a reason needed to be given to help people?

I hope I really do well in tomorrow's interview cause, there's no excuse for me not doing well in anything that I do. That said, I think to come this far, I really had achieved something, I surpassed my expectations again, not to say that my expectations are low. It's just that I did not expect something I did not expect will happen.

Preparations are coming along quite well, or I should say quite normally?

I am nervous yes, nervous of what is going to come. Uncertainty really is driving me nuts more than I can imagine..
Its like one fine day I have everything locked down on what to do, a wild monkey wrench suddenly slammed upon me. Thats how it feels, weird, painful.. But life is filled with uncertainties, and these made us grow as a human being. A human being that is able to think, a human being that is able to adapt to the circumstances.

In any case, I think I am ready for tomorrow to see what it can bring, to see what it can throw at me. What ever the end case it may be, life still goes on.

Thank you my family and friends for being there for me. Thank you for everything.

In the end, this will be a fight good enough to fight through.

Thank you lord for all the support you have given me.

Thank you all.

Cheerio!

Another year has passed...
Seriously why would I bother counting the years anymore? It's almost all the same to me.

A year, new experience, rinse, repeat.
Another year, another phase in life I expect myself to be in.

Lets see, my goal last year is to 'Surpass Myself'.

Consider this done but still not finished.

Yes, last year is considered quite fruitful to me, lots of new experiences that I picked up. I should be able to list some here..

1. Go to Australia for the first time.
 Right off the bat, instead of going to survey or having a holiday there, I went there to study, that was quite a feat when I do not know what to do there or expect over there. Thinking it was more like a spaghetti western type of town... Instead its another urbanized alcove, instead much more cleaner and the air is better.

2. Surprised myself at my ability to study.
Seriously, after National Service, I never knew that I have the observational skill needed and the multi-task ability... I for one, do not know how it arises and where it came from. Must be the motivation I had, even with my Junior College background, I would safely say that I can forget most of the stuff I learnt.
Hence with this Grade Point Average I achieved, I am truly surprised.

3. Made a number of friends.
I had this queer sense of self that enables me to click and adapt to people quite easily. Having a lot of new friends is one thing, but trying to keep them is another.

4. Picked up quite a few new skills.
Cycling for one and many more I guess. To me, learning new stuff is basically like teaching a old dog new tricks. Its doable, but the resistance is damn high. Unlike some stuff that I had been constantly been exposed for quite some time.
Its like learning how to walk... without the training wheels. But the sense of satisfaction is awesome indeed.


~~~~~

Speaking of which.

I would like to set a new goal this year.

Experience tough times and emerge better. Experience the worst choices so I could learn harder.
Basically a sadistic form of surpassing myself.

Sometimes, life doesn't come easy.
True that most of the time I tried to sneak the easy way out.
Most of the time.
Most of the time, when trouble comes... I also tried to handle it in the easiest way for me.

Well, ironically,
Videogames has taught me quite a few things.

One, I am a gaming addict.
That is no joke, most of the time, I play the game just to have the thrill of unlocking. Be it trophies or others.

Why the hook?
Is it the challenge?
Let me illustriate an example, Demon Souls, or by it's extension, Dark Souls.
Why are they so challenging?
Why are they so mind-blowing to say the least, their difficulty level is really really hard. Like impossibly hard.

To tell you the truth, living in the video game life is actually quite refreshing. Simple as it maybe, whatever outside the world is left to your imagination. How to fight bosses, how to overcome it, people had undergone these trials and are willing to share their experiences.

Its collective experience.
Its the same as why I feel so empty even when I am surrounded by friends and family. It all relates back to happiness, and what am I supposed to do.

In this update, in this process of typing this post, what I know is hardship... I was playing Shadow of the Colossus.

Fighting a very very hard boss called Gaius, which is ironically, means gay (merry) and it was a difficult and arduous battle indeed.

So my point is, I kept retrying over and over again for 2 days.

If life has a reset button to do what ever we want. It would only exist in videogames.
If you don't succeed, try again, this is what I learnt most of the time.
Well, life do not give you as much chances, and the following chances are usually even harder than original try..


Well, thats all for now!

Cheerio!

I really wonder, what is true happiness?

The feeling of joy, the feeling of positivity. Those desired feelings of awe and stupendousness (if that word exists) is present around in my conscious. In copious quantities too I must say, but however the feeling is waning.

What truly makes me happy?
Instead of being happy, things are relegated to "I rather do this instead of...", and really, this is a bit of a chore to say the least.

Things take longer to take effect nowadays. I am beginning to feel the toll on my body.
Later nights due to the games, and planning to squeeze time into every single activity I am supposed to be proud to do.

Playing piano and games doesn't give me the kick that it should be able to give. I wonder whether its because of the environment?

Then what does happiness to me be defined as? I don't feel extra happy playing around anymore.
Is it due to the rat race?

So many questions left unanswered... So many thoughts, on how to make myself more positive, more excited about upcoming events.

But everything eventually flatline... I really do hope I can find stuff to tell my friends about, stuff to talk about.

Sharing too much also could led them to isolate me... That I could also be afraid of...

There I go. Blabbering nonsense again... I wonder, if I really hold a speech with a crowd... I will just degenerate into a stuttering mess.

Gotta sleep soon, cheerio.

What's up with the animal themed titles? If you asked, I will say its from Bakemonogatari, one of the works by NisiOisiN, yes... I am a big fan of his work.

Well, another year has passed in the education realm.
Overall, its not quite what I expected studying in Australia.

Like I said, the weather in Australia is vastly different than that of Singapore. As I was typing this post, I am dying of breathing in all the humidity. As I walked down the street, there are a lot of people... I don't know, but I am kind of having some fear of crowds. A little stupid I think but, for some reason, I dislike huge crowds and being in one makes me very suffocated and paranoid.

Anyways, I am glad to be back in comfort of my own room, strange that muscle memory and recognition memory do so much for you. Everything seems strange yet familiar to me, my room, the path to the shopping center. But somehow a long absence away seems to do a memory dump, since somehow I can't find the toilet switch, maybe in the Mass Rapid Transit I could be a little overwhelmed, but all that can wait.

All these can wait.

Let me do a review of what happened this year.

Study wise its fine.. I had been chronicling the issues I had with education since... The secondary school times, with the experience of varied education systems, I should say that the Australian ones are the easiest amongst the lot.

Friend wise... I should say I met quite a few characters down here. Some of them are excellent while some of them, I would rather not to have met them again.

Well, starting off is my classmates from this year, come to think of it, this will be the last time I spent time in a common class... Since next year will be moving into full fledged university life.
My class is comprises of majority Asian.. Mostly from the People's Republic of China. With a couple of Iranians and various countries.

Not exactly very close with the class, but in semester one, majority of the time I spent with is with Declan and Benjamin. Since the rest of the class converses in their own languages, they are pretty much self centered I guess.

Come semester 2, the attitude of the class changes, they began to grow more and more hostile... I guess time really brings out the true colors of the people around us...

Well, without further ado, I shall go to character analysis...

Declan Lee:
He became the second person I blocked on Facebook, the first one is namely Tay Yi. Well, how it came to this, I also had no idea... My attitude?
I really have no idea... Its sad to lose a friend just like that, but if he did want to contact me again... It will be quite hard to do so.
In any case, I enjoyed the time spent together, photographing, studying... Hope that he grows up soon and snap out of his sucky attitude, I am certain that with this... He would not get far in the world if he continues on like that.

Benjamin Gin:
An alright guy, nothing special to say about him. He seems a little, forced at times... Never expected him to preach to me about God... Well, we have sometimes conflicting views on the bible, while he was unto keeping the law.. I am into grace.. So naturally we conflict, and most of the time when he bring in religion into the conversation, I am naturally offended by him. Don't know whether I interpreted wrongly or not, but its seem that everything that I do is an act against god. I rather not say that he's bad but he's a good guy at heart. I couldn't bear to say that he is a little too upfront about other people's feelings and that he is really insulting me.

I am not exactly going on in a hate train down here. But generally, my classmates really disappoints me. I can't really say that they should be judged by my yardstick but they are generally still kids. They need to see the world in a colloquial sense.

There are other people who actually bring the joy into lives.
Met them randomly in the course of the course. During lectures, during hanging out events.

But here are some of the notable ones.

Lewis Cheong:
I think you will never ever get to see this post... But in the event that you do. Thanks for reading!
I actually quite jealous of your lifestyle... Being of someone who is quite an introvert, I normally kept to myself and actually did zilch physical activities when I was at a younger age. Never knew how to cycle, swim well, or play sports or even drive a car. What amazes me is that at your young age, you can do all these, commandeer vehicles that I never sat on before (sail), and to me it is damn cool... and it shows me a reflection to how deprived I was... How lacking my childhood was... Being with you actually relive my childhood somewhat, looking forward to spending more time with you and observe and glean off skills if possible. Thanks for being my friend!

Leon Khoo:
Did you realize? Putting your name and Lewis' together gives you Leona Lewis? Other than that trivia, I am surprised or not quite surprised that we have mutual friends... Well, Singapore is quite small and chances are if you are there, someone might be related to you in just 3 points of contact. Anyways, you seem to have quite a creative brain. Building figurines, computers, complying from scratch... I wish I had that kind of support and funds... But in any case, take a breather since you are going into the Singapore Armed Forces.... Which I don't think it sits well with you... Asides from army jokes, I enjoyed talking with you, sometimes you are just the outlet to chat with when I am feeling a little upset in my life in Australia. But generally, you are a reliable guy.

Norman:
You wonder why Alvin calls you a golden Monkey? Actually... Its quite obvious aye?
Enjoyed going to conventions with you and your brother.. You told jokes in an interesting way too... I never had that kind of charisma, never had that kind of bravery to do stuff beyond my capabilities. But you actually step out of your comfort zone to do what people fear to do, thread places where angels fear to act in. Again, I felt a little bit underachieved since you guys have lots of skills I apparently do not possess... Guitar, costumeplay, dances... You are the true meaning of jack of all trades and a nice comedian.

Alvin:
I really applaud your desire to work hard. I can literally see the fire of your desire to pass this year... Even though you throw vulgarities left and right as you study ( side-effect from the SAF ) you persevere on... And even come early in the morning to have a study session. That's the true meaning of hard work, but do not be disappointed if you didn't get what you expect... Since the more important value of hard work is not the end result, but rather the process. Hone this process and you will gain recognition in the future and hopefully be successful.


Alright.. I am currently back in Singapore as you guys all know..

Purchased and finished Uncharted 3 already. It is very epic, but battle wise, I still prefer Uncharted 2's tank sequence and building sequence.. In general, the story never fails to live up to expectations. Difficulty is insane... Well, I blame myself for starting with such a high level. Uncharted 3 really does have its set piece moments which is really really good...

Upcoming games I am going to buy:

Sonic Generations
Dark Souls
Ico and Shadow of the Collossus HD
Metal Gear Solid HD
God Of War Origins
Atelier Ronora Alchemist
Atelier Ronora Adventurer
Ar Tonelico Qoga
Yakuza 4
and maybe many more.. Depending on my budget...

Alright I think its time to retire... I would love to meet up with my friends back in Singapore.
However most of them are having their examinations... A little sad that I couldn't meet up with them as soon as possible.

Now, sleep takes priority, well,  as the same priority as finishing up this post.

Have a good night every one and...

Cheerio!!!

The year is ending, November is here at last.

Sadly, what song are there about November to be found? I know there should be some exist somewhere, but none came to mind.

Another relationship breakdown, what a bummer, its like happening quite commonly around me around this time of the year.

Long story? Okay.
Here's my side.

I had a friend who was on a friendly relation with me. Somehow somewhere, something went wrong. And the attitude of the friend changed, hostile feelings were incited. There I was, clueless about the development, but I somehow knew, deep down inside, something went south.

A couple of weeks back the situation reached it's peak activity, therefore I decided to ignore him for the time being. Recent swipes with the incident of the class photos were okay. But somehow, he deleted me off as a friend from Facebook.

I know I shouldn't take it at face value, but I really wonder what happened. Its getting ridiculously childish, it makes meeting with him very very awkward. Striking up conversation with him is nigh impossible. Asking what happened from other vectors seemed insane, I got preached because of my lack of faith. (??? Yes, i felt that way) even somehow managed to link my status of my family to this issue. I never been so insulted in my stint here. Called out on my faith? If I believe in grace, is that something wrong? What the hell. The issue really went awry from that point on discussing what transpires between me and him. This is basically not fair... Telling me that I didn't know god personally is like saying that I don't know who my mother is.

The point is, its easy to do the bullying, but I would be sad to see the bullying turns around to bite him back.

This strange turns of events really can cause aneurysm in me.

But no matter, the end is nigh and I lucky that I am able to start afresh all over again away from these kids... Strange, no matter what happen or where I go, I will be able to meet strange characters on the way.

Henceforth, I shall have new goals laid out in front of me.

1. Get back to Singapore as soon as possible and get into the warm embrace of friends and family.
This is pretty much self explanatory.

2. UNCHARTED 3!!!
And the various gaming itch I have been craving to have. Need to get a new controller though, my controller is a little flawed.

3. Do an Senior's First Aid Course in Australia. ( I have been thinking of doing it because of some volunteer work.. Maybe I do it this year or next year)

4. Join the St John's Ambulance Brigade. (Next year or this year, I have to finish my no.3)
Introduced by Mitchell Melvin Oliver, I will do some volunteer work in my spare time next year. Just for the fun of it. Although it would be not always fun as they set out to be, as usual, I derive fun and satisfaction from helping out. Simple as that.

5. Have a successful GuangZhou, China trip.
Yup, I will be heading to GuangZhou at the end of this year. I trust it will be fun, since I will be travelling with my dear friend Wang Sen again.

6. University!
I have not much stress now since eliminated Medicine from my prospective course. I think I have more free time to hone my skills in composing and piano playing. Of course, next year will be jam packed with volunteering activities too!

7. Join a club.
What club to join... Thinking thinking....
Sailing with Lewis? Or anime club?

8.Cosplay
Why? As a stormtrooper of course! Just for the heck of fun of it!

and more to come....

Absence makes the heart grow fonder?
I think its the anticipation makes the heart grow fonder.

I can't wait to feel the hot sweltering warm feeling that I get back to Singapore, the humidity, the interactions with family. The hanging out with friends.

But to be honest, exams coming in a weeks time with Computer Studies, Math and English leading the charge for this week. Thinking hard about cramming this week, either with first aid course or helping others with their revisions.

Gonna work hard!

Cheerio!

Friends: Thank god for what you have provided me.
Male
Age: 21